Day 15

It's been a minute since I wrote anything on here, but I definitely feel the need to do some venting...so here I am. Its 3 a.m. and I'm up thinking about a lot of stuff. I'm thinking about how I've fucked up. I've messed up too many times. One good deed can't make up for years of bad ones. Its done. I'm done. I messed up the thing that meant most to me...the sad thing is I didn't know how much it meant...and now that I do realize, its too late.

I have no one to blame but myself. I am solely responsible for everything that is happening to me. If anything good has come out of this its that I learned a lesson. Several lessons actually. I learned to appreciate the good things in life. I've also learned to ignore the petty shit in life. I learned to not get so caught up in non-important stuff that I let the important stuff slip away.

I've learned a lot about self-discipline. I've learned a lot about love. I thought I knew everything. I thought I had everything planned out. I thought I was smart. The problem was that I wasn't smart at all. While I thought I was being "smart" I was actually being dumb as hell!

Another thing I've learned is not to beat myself up. Mistakes happen. I'm only human and I will never be perfect, but this situation will definitely make me better. I'm still growing and maturing. I have a long way to go, but slow progress is better than no progress, right?